Blog #3 What a beautiful world!!?
The climate change has already become a part of our daily lives. We can see the consequences all over the world today. On TV we frequently get rapports from different counties with extreme weather. I found it hard to watch all the people who fled from the flames in Australia some month ago. The fears in their eyes said more that thousand words. The hurricanes are stronger than before. Cloudburst and following floods appears quite often. We can see the effects when the Polar Ice is melting down. When thinking of how badly we treat our common world, it´s easy to get depressed. Sometimes it feels like we have lost the game already, especially when a catastrophe is close to us. But we can´t just close our eyes and give up.
We all have a responsibility for the future and have to think of what kind of world we want to give to the next generation. It’s quite obvious that our lifestyle has had and still has bad effects on our environment. All choices we make have some kind of effects, good or bad and if we make more good choices, we can change things in a better direction. Small steps are better and no steps. At the same time we must be aware of that all people doesn´t live under the same condition. Many people around the world are homeless, starving or are in the middle of a conflict. For all these people life can be a matter of just surviving and thinking of environment and stuff like that for them is secondary. They don’t have any choices at all.
Finally, I must say that I believe in humanity and I don´t think we have lost the game yet although the world have just woken up. It’s good to see that great efforts are made every day. Politicians and statesmen make decisions to decrease the discharges all over the world. In the meantime I´ll do the best I can and I will try to influence people around me, because I will never give up hope for a better world.
Prenumerera på:
Kommentarer till inlägget (Atom)
Dear Birgitta,
SvaraRaderaThank you for an interesting text that gives hope! The things you write about all relate to the theme of climate change and they all feel relevant.
When it comes to the organization of your text, the thesis statement is missing. It should have been included at the end of the introductory paragraph. If you had had a question there, like “Is there anything we can do instead of closing our eyes and giving up?”, you could have structured the rest of the text as paragraphs dealing with one thing to be done after another, each paragraph being introduced by a topic sentence. One of them could be “Small steps are better than none”. Another could be “Rich countries have to show the way…”. In that way you could have dealt with the points you make in separate paragraphs, following the structure of a causal analysis. Have a look at what we talked about when we met last week!
As to transitional devices, you use “at the same time”, “finally”, and “because”, but I think your writing would improve if you made more use of transitional devices. Have a look at that handout on that and get inspired!
As to language, you have to say “a thousand” (§ 243), and use a plural –s on “month” in “some months ago”. Think about subject-verb agreement, as in “Cloudburst and following floods appears quite often”, where you should have “appear”, since you have a plural subject. Avoid preposition + “that”, as in “we must be aware of that” where you have to remove “of”! Remember that “people” is a plural noun, which means that in “all people doesn´t live” you should use “don’t” instead.
Looking forward to reading your next blog!
Best,
Marika
Hello Birgitta!
SvaraRaderaYou have written a good and interesting blog and I really enjoyed reading it! I can agree with your thoughts and I have also a hope in humanity and I will never give up the hope for a better world!
So to the text structure. I’m not sure about the casual analysis myself but I as far as I know you haven’t use the casual analysis when you wrote the blog. I don’t know if we improve our English in a better way when we use the different ways in writing but we were told to think about “casual analysis” when we wrote this blog.
With or without casual analysis, you have done a great job and it was easy to read and follow your thoughts. I have read our teachers comments to your blog so I don’t think I have so much more to say about your grammatical errors. I can just say that your language is far more better than mine…
Best regards,
Ewa
Hi there,
SvaraRaderaI love your title! It really gets the readers attention right away! Perfect!
The text is short and easy read without difficult “stuffing” that fills the text with a lot of nonsense – you have managed to squeeze in all the important things in here beautifully!
I think you have two great thesis statements “The climate change...” and “We all have a responsibility...” The first one is in the introductory paragraph and you deal with one issue here and for me it works fine in the second one as well. I must say I find this really difficult to judge!!
Personally I think you have made an excellent job but there is one thing I can advise you to think of. In the text you write “In the meantime I´ll do the best I can and I will try to influence people around me, because I will never give up hope for a better world”
My advice is to be consequent and use only one form (I have underlined them), either write them out always or write the abbreviated form – not both.
Keep up the good work!!
Kind wishes,
Marie
Dear Birgitta
SvaraRaderaWhat a nice blog you have written. I enjoyed reading it from the first sentence it really got me under my skin. I agree with you regarding people who prefer to close their eyes and more or less have given up their hope to improve the environment. I believe a lot of things can be done and it is important that everyone contribute with something. As you said in your blog that all people have choices to make and these choices do have some kind of effects, good or bad on the environment. Taking baby steps towards a better direction will be more helpful than standing still with closed eyes doing nothing.
I must admit that I find it difficult to comment on other people’s blogs regarding to paragraphing and grammar. I don’t feel that I have enough knowledge about it but, that’s why I’m in the English class ENGALX to learn. Most comments are done I don’t have anything to add.